Are you wondering how to prevent being an authoritarian parent? You’re not alone. Many parents struggle with the idea of becoming too strict or overbearing. This guide will help you learn about authoritarian parenting, why it’s important to avoid it, and how to create a healthy balance for your family.
What is Authoritarian Parenting?
Authoritarian parenting is a parenting style in which parents expect their children to follow the rules without asking questions. Parents who use this method of child-rearing usually have very high standards and do not tolerate misbehavior.
As a result, children of authoritarian parents tend to be unhappy and unhelpful because they do not get the opportunity to share their thoughts, opinions, or beliefs. They also grow up having a hard time making decisions for themselves.
Authoritarian parenting is a strict parenting style that puts high expectations on children with little nurturing or feedback in return. Other styles of parenting include authoritative and permissive parenting.
Authoritarian parenting vs. Authoritative parenting
Parents who are authoritarian are cold and strict, but parents who are authoritative are warm and strict. Parents who are authoritative discuss rules and may modify rules with their children, but those who are authoritarian restrict communication to one way, such as “because I said so.”
Authoritarian and authoritative parents focus on discipline, but authoritarian parents believe in harsh punishments. In contrast, authoritative parents believe more in natural consequences and inductive discipline. Yelling is also a part of the authoritarian parenting style.
*As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
What are Traits & Examples of Authoritarian Parenting?
According to a famous psychologist, Baumrind, parents develop their child’s social values according to the traditions and culture of the surroundings. How they do it depends on their children’s control they want to practice.
The authoritarian style is the most controlling parenting style. It doesn’t revolve around self-restraint or teaching behavior management to children. It focuses primarily on how to exert authority over a child. In the case of positive behavior, there is little to no award, whereas harsh punishments are practiced in the case of misbehavior.
Here are a few traits of authoritarian parents:
1. High Demands, But lack of Responsiveness
Authoritarian parents are highly demanding. They have a list of rules and even micromanage the smallest aspects of their children’s behavior and lives. The rules are the same at home and in public areas.
Moreover, there are also some undeclared rules that the children are expected to follow without being clearly stated. Children just have to know that these rules exist and adhere to them without even knowing about them.
2. Little to No Nurturing or Warmth
Parents practicing authoritarian parenting styles seem harsh and cold. They are always found yelling or nagging at their children instead of offering praise or any words of encouragement. They like discipline over fun and don’t tolerate children’s nonsense behavior.
3. No Sharing of Reasons for Punishments
Parents with authoritarian parenting are quick to impose corporal punishments without explaining any particular explanation to the child. They depend on force and act harshly instead of soft when they break the rules.
4. Little to No Choices for Children
Authoritarian parents hardly give any choice to children. Parents have an only say in what to do and what not to do. It is kind of like the “my way or no way at all” approach for self-discipline. There is no space for negotiation, and they hardly allow children to do anything of their own choice.
5. Impatient When Rules are Broken
Authoritarian parents always expect children to behave properly and not be a part of any mischief or misbehavior. However, they don’t explain to their children why they avoid such behaviors, nor do they understand the children’s feelings.
6. Lack of Trustworthiness
Authoritarian parents lack trustworthiness when it comes to their children’s choices. They don’t give any freedom to children to display good behavior on their own. Instead of letting the children explore and learn by making mistakes, they just force everything, ensuring that they don’t make any mistakes at all.
7. Never Ready to Negotiate
Parents with authoritarian parenting styles don’t believe in any room for negotiations. They see the world as black and white and disapprove of the grey areas. There is little to no room for compromise or forgiveness. Kids hardly get to have a say in any matter or when it comes to decision-making.
8. Shaming In Most Situations
Authoritarian parents are mostly critical of their children and use shaming to enforce children to follow their rules. They always use phrases such as, “Why don’t you do anything properly?” They don’t look for ways to build self-esteem in their children but believe that shaming would be the motivational force behind children’s positive behavior.
What causes Authoritarian Parenting?
What causes authoritarian parenting is the parents upbringing, lack of empathy, depression and anxiety. Authoritarian parents are often times raised in authoritarian households themselves and use similar patterns and parenting styles to raise their kids. Authoritarian parents tend to be more hostile, less empathetic towards others and have difficulty in forming relationships.
Causes of Authoritarian Parenting
Authoritarian parenting is something that parents engage in without knowing about it. It is unintentional on their behalf in most situations. Some factors that cause them to use this parenting style are shared below:
- Authoritative Brought Up
Parents who behave this way have themselves been brought up by authoritarian parents or in an authoritarian setting.
According to a study, parents raised by an authoritarian style were very likely to use it to raise their children.
- Are not Very Agreeable
Authoritarian parents are not very agreeable. They usually score low on personality traits such as agreeableness.
- Hostile & Less Emphatic
Authoritarian parents are also less emphatic and more hostile. They also have difficult relationships, including their children.
- Neuroticism
According to studies, authoritarian parents have a high graph of neuroticism. Neuroticism is a personality trait involving emotional stability. It also includes doubt, depression, anxiety, and other negative emotions.
What are the Effects of Authoritarian Parenting Style on children?
What effect does authoritative parenting have on a child? The way you parent your children has a lot of effects on their social and academic outcomes. In the case of authoritative parenting, children may have the following effects on their personality:
- Behave fearfully or shyly around people
- Link success and obedience with feelings of love
- Easy to Conform but also experience depression and anxiety at the same time.
- Aggressive toward others
- Not prosocial
- Lacks social competence in most social situations
- Lack of self-confidence and self-esteem and have more negative aspects such as hyperactive
- Lacks self-control because they hardly make their choices to experience the natural consequences
- Children raised by authoritarian parents do not engage in self-exploration or independently.
Although child developmental experts agree to set limits and rules as part of parenting. They consider authoritarian parenting too strict, lacking warmth, love, and nurturing, which are a must for every child.
Is authoritarian parenting abusive?
Yes, authoritarian parenting can be a form of abuse. Authoritarian parenting is a form of emotional and phycological abuse and the damages on kid can last a lifetime.
What’s wrong with authoritarian parenting?
Authoritarian parenting is wrong since it tends to damage children in an emotional and phycological standpoint. This type of parenting form children that are aggressive, have low self-esteem, are socially incompetent and later also practice this toxic parenting style on their own children.
- click and check out these amazing book selections on authoritarian parenting.
Tips to Prevent Authoritarian Parenting
If you want to avoid an authoritarian parenting style, especially when you or your partner was raised this way. You can do some things to avoid it and adopt more of an authoritative parenting style that is also strict but warm.
- Learn about authoritative parenting instead of becoming an authoritarian parent. This way, you would understand strictness with limitations and its benefits on your children.
- Parenting is challenging. Educating yourself about the different ways to parent a child is rudimentary to your child’s positive personality development. Always try and listen to your kids. Be patient with them and understand what they want to say without giving them a shut-up call.
- Listening and recognizing your children’s emotions are important to understanding your own emotions. This also helps to develop self-discipline in them.
- Set your guidelines and expectations. Make sure that everyone follows the guidelines and the rules. However, try to explain why the rules exist instead of just imposing them. When everyone understands the reasons behind rules, they will try to follow them properly instead of going against them in most situations.
- In case the rules are broken, and children misbehave, follow up with reasonable consequences. Don’t use harsh punishments and avoid shaming your children for misbehaving or making mistakes.
- You or your partner can also seek assistance from a parenting class. They can guide you or even talk to a family therapist for more guidance.
- Therapy is one of the best ways to learn about positive parenting strategies and successfully put them to use for the better development of your children.
Conclusion
Authoritarian parenting is a very strict way of raising children. It lacks warmth and nurturing and burdens children with unwanted high expectations. Instead, try to practice an authoritative parenting style that sets rules but is warm. This way, you’ll be able to develop positive traits in your child, such as self-discipline and strong self-esteem, which is beneficial for social, academic, and career success later on in life.